Friday, January 20, 2012

Inward War of Wills

It’s an inward war of wills, I suppose, that battle between what we think is best, and what we want.  Whether it’s a promise to make a boss respect our work more, or a promise to make a relationship better – it is that inward war between the brain and the heart.  The message is usually the same: try harder, try harder, and try harder.  I told someone once that if you have to always try harder, what you are trying to fix is probably not all that good.  This is true with Emily, in Pages in the Wind, when she desperately tries to make her relationship with her father better.  Her intentions are good, and her efforts are vigilant but unfortunately the results will prove barren.  Why? Because what she is trying to fix is inherently broken on the other end.
Father took Robert’s hand and Robert pulled dad toward the door, anxious for breakfast.  Father looked back at me, and said “come on Emily, time for breakfast.” I guess that he knew I was there after all. Not wanting to get in trouble for disobeying orders; I got up and walked toward the house.  I couldn’t help but take one last look at the brick path, but somehow I still saw it as a yellow brick road leading to a magical place if only I could find it.   I squinted, blinked, and closed my eyes trying to see the red brick path that father had built, and not the yellow brick road that I built in my mind.  Just try harder, Emily, there is no yellow brick road, there never was, remember? Try to be happy and stop looking for more.  With the vow clearly in mind, but the yellow brick road clearly in my heart; I followed Robert and father into the house for breakfast.                                                                                           
Emily’s brain is more in sync with her heart than she realizes.  She knows that something “isn’t right” but societal norms give her the message that she should have a good relationship with her father.  She’s too young to pin the blame on anyone except herself, which of course is a ripe breeding ground for later insecurities.  I wonder, have you been in a situation where you tried harder, and tried harder and finally realized that the battle was lost before you started?

8 comments:

  1. I swear you could have been writing this for me!! I relaet to this as some one that tries and tries and it's a one way street. I never thought about it the way you have said it here. Thank you for a great post and I LOVE your blog!!!!

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  2. Thank you Sally for another wonderful piece. I relate so much to these words you have written. Sometimes, it is true, we can't see the forrest due to the trees .. such is the case you the "try harder" anology. Excellent work Sally Brilliant!

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  3. Interesting post. I also have seen the yellow brick road and I wished that Id paid more attention to it. Such a great blog, I love your writing and also the layout.

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  4. I ahve been in that position a hundred times and I agree its a part of our society. Theres a disconnect between what we want and what the society tells us we should want. I love the way you wrote about how Emily feels and her torn feelings about which path to see. Wonderful writing!

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  5. I see the yellow brick road too. Sometimes its tough to be human in a human-world. We look for what is better even if we are already there. Love your book.

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  6. yeah I totally agreed ith you its often happen with all of us

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  7. Nice post, so true besides. I think we all search and high and low for the yellow brick road. Sometimes its right there and sometimes its definitely not. Much to pause on. Thank you for your blog.

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  8. I like your angle with the story, you've got some great hooks. I love a mystery and this is the kind of book that interests me, can't wait to see it when its done! (((:)))

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