Friday, July 27, 2012
Most of us manufacture reasons to excuse the behavior of the major players in our lives. As simple as it sounds, sometimes the truth just hurts too much. We see this in Pages in the Wind, as Emily searches for a reason that her relationship with her mother is so barren.
Mother gave me a conciliatory smile that said "oh well" as she turned to follow father. As I leaned against the doorway to my bedroom, I wondered if father demanded so much of her time and she had nothing left to me. I couldn't help but blame him for her inability to embrace me as a daughter. She always held me at arm's length, like she spent hours perfecting her beauty for a fancy soiree and had a dirty toddler begging to be held.
It's so easy to get caught in this trap - I've done it many times, though not with my own mother. I've made excuses in other relationships, and once to a disastrous conclusion. It definitely changed me in ways that I wish I could have avoided. The flip side is that I did learn a hard lesson, and am hyper-vigilant to not repeat it.
I wonder if you have made excuses for the key players in your life, only to wish that you hadn't. It doesn't even have to be a family member — mine wasn't, and the painful result was devastating. I'm listening to my inner voice more clearly now, and letting my brain overrule my heart when it needs too. Still, even with the lessons I learned — that's one lesson I would have preferred to avoid altogether.