Thursday, October 13, 2011

The Reality in the Mirror

I haven’t been posting as often, which means that even with my crazy schedule, I have found a few hours every morning to work on this book.  It’s progressing in a more linear fashion, which is probably good although the temptation to skip around is hard to resist.  I’m posting a short passage from Pages in the Wind, which touches on facing reality, and in a later posting, disassociation.  Emily is maturing, and she is beginning to question what is happening to her.  She is starting to realize that something isn’t right.  She feels alone, her beloved grandma is gone and she has been away from Reid for ten years.  After a particularly gruesome incident, she passes herself in the mirror and has a reaction that changes the way she sees herself.

I shut the door, and double-checked to make sure that I had locked it.  Walking to my bed, I caught a glimpse of myself in the bureau mirror.  I wanted to keep walking and pretend that nothing happened, but something inside of me couldn’t.  I usually pushed it away, and pulled out something within me to keep going like nothing happened.  This time, I walked to the mirror without resisting the urge to turn away.  I don’t know if I was just too tired of pretending that I was okay, or if I wanted to face that image in the mirror.  I felt as though all of my resolve to fight to be happy had drained out of me, leaving me tired and alone.  I felt defeated, like a wounded soldier on the battlefield with nothing but dead comrades around him, knowing that there was no one there to rescue him.  I felt like that soldier, half dead but still alive knowing that his wounds were too severe to survive without help.  I was that hopeless soldier, slowly feeling the life drain from my body and knowing that there was no one there to save me.

As gruesome as it sounds, this jolt of reality is an important component to her psyche.  In my next posting, Emily will reach inward to find strength.  A seed will be planted.  How that seed grows will fuel the rest of the story.